i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Panties = found
Randomize
