I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
