Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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