Nicole vs. Life
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
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Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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