I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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