my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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