I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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