I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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