she was so not down for the gang bang
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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