i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
