drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
