i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
