I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
