Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
