A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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