she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
