I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
