It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You need a sexual gate keeper
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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