just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
