This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
