you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
