He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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