could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
