dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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