Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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