you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
