We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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