I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
