They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
