Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
