I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
