just come out here and I will go home with you...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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