i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
