ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
