Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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