I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize