you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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