They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We had sex on a dog bed..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
