I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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