your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
