Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
