i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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