Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
