living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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