ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
