Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
