I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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