I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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