I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
