Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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