I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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