my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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