God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Michael Bay diarrhea
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
