The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
