I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
