so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I love having hate sex.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
