my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
