His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
