Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize