Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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