I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
