apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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