i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
