The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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