Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
