your parents love me but you hate me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
