It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
