it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
