Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
