Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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