ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
