I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
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It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
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I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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