I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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