Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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